Where Are My Boundaries

He sets a boundary for the ocean, yes, and a boundary for the day and for the night. Job 26:10 The Living Bible

Good Morning Girlfriends:

Walking around the property with my dad, he was pointing out some details of the piece of property that he had given me as a part of my inheritance. We walked along the little trail that ran between my property and another neighbor, as he had explained the trail was the dividing between the two properties. He had showed me where he had tied little orange ribbons along the tree line so that I would know where my perimeters were or the boundary line was to the property. As he continued to explain to me, saying that the property ran in the shape of a triangle, there was a large front area, but tapered in the back area of the land.

Every once in awhile my mom and I take a walk around the property just to see that everything is still in place, now that my dad has passed away, it's always good to have that reassurance that everything is just the way it is supposed to be.

It's funny how God works, as a friend text me this morning about an experience she had this weekend, she was asking me to say a prayer for her, and the word boundaries came to me. Not only are there boundaries to a property, but there are boundaries that we also need to have in relationships with friends as well as a marriage. The Webster dictionary says this about boundaries: Something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent. This is just what I was saying about the little trail or the path that separated my property from my neighbors.

You might be wondering what kind of boundaries should we set for a healthy relationship between friends or even a mother and her grown children. Here are just a few that may be helpful for those very situations, ones I have learned over the years.

1. Ask permission...If there is something you would like to help a friend with or your children, ask them first if they need help, then if it would be okay if you would be able to help them in any way. We are no to overstep by telling someone else how things should be done, because it may not be what they have in mind, but a suggestion could be made to see if they may have thought of another way of doing what ever it is. We never want to come across as over powering, it can turn people away real fast.

2. Take the other person's feeling into account...You may already know the other person may be a little overwhelmed, or something may be going on that they are not able to get a certain project done, but again it is never good to come in like a whirlwind and take right over either, that can add more tension or stress to the situation already at hand. We still need to ask the other person if they want the help and ask what they would like us to to for them.

3. Show gratitude...this is when someone asks you if they can help with someone, always be thankful that they are asking. It may not be every day that a person may come to you and offer a little help.

4. Be honest...It's important to be totally honest with that other person who is asking you if they can help. Let them know right up front that it may not be a great time to work on that project they would like to help you with and ask if they would be able to help another time. Or if you are the one who could use a hand to get a project done, don't feel embarrassed to ask a close friend if they would mind helping you with the project and make it plain with directions to what needs to be done.

5. Show respect for differences in opinions, perspectives, and feelings...If you are the person who is asking for the help and your friend seems to offer their opinion on how they would do it, you can listen to their suggestion and if you like what they are suggesting then go with it, but if you do not then gracefully let them know that it sounds like a good idea but that you would rather stick with what you had planned. It doesn't matter what end of the situation you are on, we must be careful in how our words come out so that no one gets offended if there is a little discrepancy to the way the project is being constructed.

Girlfriends, I remember visiting my daughter's place at different times after they had a newborn in the house, and I would go right to work cleaning up the dishes, throwing in a load of laundry, bringing some casserole for their supper, at times they were okay with me helping out in that way. There were other times they would tell me that they didn't want me to do all that, it wasn't necessary and they would do it later, so we would just sit and have a visit. We never want anyone to feel like we are taking control of a situation, but more like we are there to lend a helping hand. So different times I would ask if there was anything they would want me to do, instead of going right in and doing. Asking someone if they want your help in doing something is a much better way of approach, then nobody's feelings will get hurt.

We can have all kinds of different ideas rolling around on how we can help in certain situations, but when it boils right down to it, it is the other person's decision in the end. We need to know our boundaries for ourselves, but we also need to know how to set boundaries for other people so that we do not become a doormat and let people walk all over us, which can happen so easy especially when someone likes being the person in charge or always has no problem of giving their opinion on a matter. Many years ago, I had a friend like that who decided where we were going to go for a drive, or how we would set up the tent when we took a little camping trip, she decided where we camped at, and she was always the one who drove when we went somewhere, there is a difference of helping and wanting control.

A friendship should be just like a marriage in a way, they should be able to meet in the middle and be able to discuss things openly without either person being offended. A person should be able to say no and the other person should be okay with it. Sometimes we have to stop wondering what people will think about us when we do say no, but I always like to give an explanation to why I may be saying no. There is a difference between controlling and boundaries, and that is control is meant to make others what you want them to be but boundaries make it safe for us to be ourselves. If someone is quite aggressive, they will not have respect for boundaries.

It is always good for each of us to keep a check on our own selves in who we are and how we come across to others. We always want to be a good example of how Jesus would want us to act and respond in every situation. I'm sure we have all had some kind of run in with a person who is quick to speak before they think about what are saying, and sometimes things may get said that really was not supposed to be said. We as adults tell our children when they are small to play nice, and we as adults should follow the same advice so there are no hard feelings at the end of the day, Amen.

Let's Pray,

Father God, thank You for this glorious day, and thank You for another day to serve You the best way that I know how. Lord, I pray that each of Your children down here are able to set healthy boundaries with Your help and that we are able to respect other people's boundaries as well. Lord help us to always be thinking how You would handle each situation that we face at any time. Let us not cross over any other people's boundaries in any way, to avoid any hurt feelings. Lord You are our example, so Lord as we read Your word each day, help us to draw closer and closer to who You are so that we will become more and more like You, so Jesus will shine through us in order that You will be smiling down at us, knowing we are being the best example of You that we possibly can be in the Mighty name of Jesus I pray, Amen.

Be blessed, and pass the blessings on. Thank you in advance for passing this message on, in hopes that it will help someone along the way.